“Everything looks beautiful behind rose-colored glasses.” Nicole
Whenever I am on social media, I run across these glossy images portraying my “friends” lives in just the perfect light. Never wavering faith, perfect families, high-level promotions, tight bodies, and shiny new toys. If I were not careful, it would be easy to look at my life and start to compare. Life, however, has taught me through experience why it is never wise to covet someone else’s life. Things always look better when you are looking through Windex cleaned glass.
I was the side chick, the main chick, the unknowing mistress chick, and I forever played the stupid and naive chick.
I recently read the article, “I’m Not a Liar, But Facebook Sure Is,” by Maddie Fieleke. This piece articulated much of how I feel about what I see and what I share on social media. These platforms for connecting allow us to show the glitz and glamor without all the guts and gore that are currently behind it or that brought us to this point in our story. Due to March being Women’s History Month and April being the very first celebration of Women Helping Women Heal Month, I wanted to take this time to honor both of these occasions by sharing a piece of my story. I hope it helps another sister who is struggling with coveting- especially in the relationship department.
I notice when women- single, married, and everything in between- get that “I wish that were me” look in their eyes. I see it happening after they hear, or read, another woman’s nice couple’s story or a discussion about her husband’s latest good deed, their family vacation, or the new gadget he bought her. What these outside women are not seeing is the disagreement they had during the vacation, the discontent that was hidden behind a smile in a picture, or the abuse she survived in a previous relationship before being with someone who honored her. In short, those on the outside are not witnesses to the struggle.
A Part of My Relationship Story
I laugh inside at some of the comments I hear about my relationship. It may not be possible to see my truth by simply reading a status update or liking one of my photos. I am in a great place, but before I got here, I was the side chick, the main chick, the unknowing mistress chick, and I forever played the stupid and naive chick. On top of this, I was also the sexually abused woman who was struggling with healing from the abuse while being told I needed to stop playing the victim by the one person I thought was supposed to love and protect me. I went through many heartaches and heart breaks in romantic and non-romantic relationships before I found my new normal.
It’s easy for people to look at another person’s life and want the “glory” without wanting the “story.” When it comes to relationships, don’t let the smiles and public displays of affection tempt you into envy. Everything that glitters is not gold. Furthermore, what works for one woman in a relationship may not work for you, and there is always the possibility that the woman is simply lying and putting on a show. Keep this in mind before going too far down the rabbit hole of wanting even a slice of another person’s life.
Tune-in next time as I continue with “Confessions of a Former Side Chick” and why this story rarely ends well.