I often marvel at the chatter I hear after someone says she is separated from her spouse or getting a divorce. The sheer number of people with unsolicited commentary is quite comical. During the middle of your pain, I am sure you don’t see the humor in all the noise. The yammering you hear from all the people who “would not have left for that” or who don’t know “why you stayed so long” can be deafening. It may have you feeling lonely and isolated and like an unlovable failure. After all, you tell yourself, “My (fill-in-the-blank) stayed and her husband was a serial cheater who used to beat her up all the time. If she could handle that, why can’t I handle this?”
If you have ever had thoughts such as the above, here is another piece of unsolicited advice- stop it. You are you. You are not your friend. You are not your mother. You are not your cousin. You are not the first lady of the church. You are not that lady from the soap opera or reality show. You are you. You are the only person who has to live your life and only you have the ability to determine what is right for it. Your limit could be someone calling you a name. Sherry’s limit could be someone abusing her financially. Christina’s limit may be two beatings a week is okay, but three is too many. Whatever the limit may be, stop looking for other people to validate your life decisions. You know what is best for your life. You are not crazy. You are fully capable of deciding that unchanged harmful behavior is unacceptable. You should not ignore your feelings. It does not work.
I would give the same advice to people going through a major career transition. As a professional who chose to use her education in a non-traditional way and leave traditional law practice, I experienced the same ridicule and unwanted advice as I did when I went through my divorce. When you find yourself in an unfortunate marital (or career) situation, whether you stay or leave, it needs to be your decision. Perhaps you can relate, or maybe you are one who wants to make a transition, however, you are fearful based upon exactly what is stated here and need a little push. If you have decided you are ready to make a life transition and are in need of guidance and support, please contact us and sign-up for our e-mail list by sending the text message “4FS” to 22828 or completing the subscription form to the right.